Allison: With 91.9 KVCR News, it’s Allison Wang! I interviewed David Stuart, a high school choir teacher & director in Jurupa Valley and the rather unconventional way we became friends, through the games Connect 4 and We’re Not Really Strangers.
David: Basically, I go out to a public place, I'll sit at a public table with a Connect 4 board and a sign that says, "Let's Play!" and I'll just play whoever sits down. And if I enjoy talking with them, I'll offer the game We're Not Really Strangers. For anyone who's listening that doesn't know, that's a card game with three different decks of conversation cards. First deck is very, you know, rather surface level questions. The second is a little bit deeper, more personal questions. And then the third level is even deeper. And so it's really interesting, like, someone will sit down to play a game of Connect 4, and they will stay for sometimes up to like an hour or two, just talking during this game of We're Not Really Strangers, and we'll be able to learn so much about each other's lives, that- things that I would never expect about seeing a person, things that they never would have expected to talk about with a stranger. Something about that game, something about the setup just makes it possible for people to be really vulnerable. So the the final card of the game that's sort of separate from the three decks, both players write a message to the others, I'll write a message for this, this person that I'm playing with, and they'll write a message for me. I've gotten about 60 written messages from people that I've played with.
Allison: David began this hobby during his time at Cal State Fullerton, right after the end of shelter-in place.
David: When we came back in person for a little bit, I was like, "aw, yes!" but then very quickly, I realized that my social appetite was not satisfied. You know, I was majoring in choral music, education, so a lot of education classes. And so I realized, like, the only people I talk to are musicians, I want to talk to more people. I want to happen upon people. Well, I had read about someone who does a similar sort of thing at, like, a New York City subway station. Not necessarily with We're Not Really Strangers, but just has a board game and a sign that says some sort of icebreaker on it, just tries to engage strangers. And so I came up with this idea of like, okay, what if I have like a checkers board out and a sign that says, "Let's Play!" and just see who sits down. I had that idea. And I hadn't really thought of like, We're Not Really Strangers or anything, but just like this would be an interesting way to talk to random people. It scared me the first time that I did it. Like what if someone who knows me walks in and it's just like this super weird, embarrassing thing. I was in Glendora, I walked in, I ordered coffee, I sat down at a table, I set up a checkers board and a sign that said, "Let's Play!" and my heart was pounding. Seven minutes or so someone sat down. And they said like, oh my gosh, this is such a great idea! And we started talking, you know, I got a lot more comfortable with it. I'm a choral musician. I'm a singer, it kind of reminds me of like the first time that I sang a solo in front of other people in high school. It's like the first time scared me so much. But then the second time, it was only like half as scary.
Allison: David was also partially inspired by a book that illuminated a critical aspect of human interaction.
David: The author talked about how we often go through the world, especially when we live in sort of densely populated areas, we can't consider the full humanity of every single person that we see. Just think of, if you see 10 people in the grocery store, and you were to behold each one as having a life that is just as complex as your own. You're there to buy your vegetables and your chips, you don't consider every person. Same with you're walking through the hallways at school, you're on the freeway with a bunch of other cars, like, it's really easy to think of people as having... lesser minds, not in a condescending way, but just, we don't have the energy, we don't have the capacity to consider the full complexity of everyone's mind. It's happened many times where I'll sit down and talk with someone and you know, they'll tell me like, their mom just died, or they have been working so hard for the past three years to build their business. You know that they're trying to make it work with their ex husband. And it's these things that I just think like looking at you, I never would have guessed that this is what you were going through. I got to see this person's complexity and humanity. But like, every single person in this food or has some kind of story like this person's. It has helped me just consider everyone's full personhood a little bit more.
Allison: At the end of the day..
David: I think of these cards and these questions very much as like an exercise in getting to know someone and being known by someone. We're humans. We're social animals as cliché as that sounds. We have a real need to know others and be known by others.
Allison: This inspiring take on human nature puts into perspective the importance of mundane, everyday connections we make with others. From KVCR News, it’s Allison Wang!